Uni employee offered forged degrees for sexual favours

Monday, 8 February, 2010

Recruited volunteers for a “pain management study”
Used them to fulfil his ‘spanking fetish’

Former University Registrar Karl Woodgett has been given a nine month suspended sentence and been ordered to do two hundred hours community service for forging university degree certificates, which he offered to women in return for sexual favours.

Opinion

Reflections on the Modern Male Student

Monday, 22 February, 2010

Even though I know they're no good for me, It's the risk I take for the chemistry, with the bad boys always catching my eye” = Alexandra Burke- Bad Boys

Write for impact...Now!

Monday, 22 February, 2010

So, how many students at this university enjoy writing? How many have considered a career in journalism? And, how many are members of Impact? Well, I only know the answer to the final question; Impact has 63 members. That is 63 out of a University population of about 12,000. During my time at university I have always been surprised at how little interest students seem to take in contributing to their newspaper.

Features

Splish splash splosh!

Monday, 22 February, 2010

Splish, splash, splosh!

Slowly ease your fingers into the trifle. Feel the softly whipped cream caress your skin and the tantalising change of the solid jelly and the moist sponge. Your body is trembling with excitement and desire as you lift the bowl brimmed with pleasure and thrust it against your body. Welcome to the wonderfully naughty world of Sploshing.

Horoscopes

Monday, 22 February, 2010

Capricorn (22 December-20 January): Don’t be afraid to show your true
feelings, unless they involve ritualistic debasement of strangers.

Aquarius (21 January-19 February): Your friends must be punished for
being involved in corruption: a little light spanking should do the
trick.

Pisces (20 February-20 March): If you’re holding a party, either
invite Karl Woodgett or Rodney King, but definitely not both.

Aries (21 March-20 April): In the wise words of Nietzsche, “distrust
all in whom the impulse to punish is strong...”

Ents

Fringe Concern (Owl City)

Number one or not, Owl City are never anything more than pleasantly safe, writes Hazell Moore
Monday, 22 February, 2010

Artist: Owl CIty
Album: Ocean Eyes

Owl City have ballooned out of nowhere with a huge surge towards their new single ‘Fireflies’. You’ll be hearing it on the radio, in shops and some modest remixes in the clubs. If you like the simple electronic beat and the heavy American accent of this single, then I would suggest you look to the album for similar tunes.

Something Awful

Resident polymath Steve Ramsey seems to have left “The Black Gestapo” off Part 1 of his list of awful films
Monday, 22 February, 2010

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
Perhaps the worst B- Movie ever made. Legendarily bad filmmaker Ed Wood’s masterpiece, featuring aliens who bring the dead back to life in order to wipe out the human race, this film is like three science fiction films all rolled into one, presuming that the rolling process was very damaging to the plot, acting, directing, script, editing, and cinematography.

The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Science

Puzzle corner

Monday, 22 February, 2010

Puzzle corner: our guest is logic theorist Vincent Danos

Time marches on: seeking immortality

Monday, 22 February, 2010

Ah yes, ageing. It’s a natural obstacle that we all face – and it’s all downhill from here, according to our mardy bum elders. Good news everyone: wrinkles, creaking joints and drooping (yes, you heard me) are features of ageing that we can all look forward to. Hooray! If only we could avoid this metamorphosis and live forever as spritely twenty-somethings. Which leads me to ask: is there a secret to living forever, be it an instant Dungeons & Dragons-esque remedy or simply a wise choice of lifestyle? Even then, is eternal life physically possible?

Sport

Bath-based athletes promise GB success in Vancouver games

Monday, 22 February, 2010

The XXI Olympic Winter Games are already well on their way; they started on the 12th of February and are scheduled to finish on the 28th. The Winter Olympics are being held in Vancouver, Canada, where eighty two National Olympic Committees have entered teams for sports such as alpine skiing, bobsleigh, ice hockey and snowboarding.

Hockey boys beat Leeds to set up ‘real’ varsity semi.

BATH UNIVERSITY 4 LEEDS UNIVERSITY 2
Monday, 22 February, 2010

For me, winning isn’t something that happens suddenly on the field when the whistle blows and the crowds roar. Winning is something that builds physically and mentally every day that you train and every night that you dream.” (Emmitt Smith, American Football player)

The Men’s Hockey First Team have been religiously training over the past few weeks in preparation to take on the Northern Force of Leeds University. It was through this training that Bath took to the field with an air of confidence that has been characteristic of this team this year.

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