Features

Splish, splash, splosh!

Slowly ease your fingers into the trifle. Feel the softly whipped cream caress your skin and the tantalising change of the solid jelly and the moist sponge. Your body is trembling with excitement and desire as you lift the bowl brimmed with pleasure and thrust it against your body. Welcome to the wonderfully naughty world of Sploshing.

THE ITALIAN ISSUE
CHARLOTTE’S RESTAURANT REVIEW

Martini Restaurant
8/9 George Street
Bath
BA1 2EH

Whenever I have walked past this restaurant (located on George street, opposite Moles) I have been sorely tempted to cancel all my plans and pop in, due to the delicious smells that are wafted out onto the street. Needless to say, I was looking forward to my visit and thanks to Adam’s time keeping skills, was suitably ravenous. Conversely, my review is actually rather mixed.

These days it’s hard to determine what changes faster: trends or technology. I suppose it’s a bit of an egg and chicken question, but either way I’m sure that by the time most of us have figured out how to turn on our new iPhones, the superfluous gadget is all but a remnant of the past for small minority of the population that are “technology geeks”.

The year 2010. For British politics this means a whole lot of media hype in the run up to the long-awaited General Election: a chance for the nation to decide whether or not Gordon Brown succeeded in winning the hearts and minds of his people after his all-revealing, population-appealing interview on Sunday evening with Piers Morgan (for your information, the PM himself has to share a toilet with over 200 people…).

Capricorn (22 December-20 January): Don’t be afraid to show your true
feelings, unless they involve ritualistic debasement of strangers.

Aquarius (21 January-19 February): Your friends must be punished for
being involved in corruption: a little light spanking should do the
trick.

Pisces (20 February-20 March): If you’re holding a party, either
invite Karl Woodgett or Rodney King, but definitely not both.

Aries (21 March-20 April): In the wise words of Nietzsche, “distrust
all in whom the impulse to punish is strong...”

We have merchandise to give away from new comedy Youth in Revolt, which, in an inspired casting decision, stars Michael Cera as a socially awkward youth. He is supported by Steve Buscemi and Ray Liotta. In celebration of this frankly awe-inspiring event, we have a baseball cap and two branded T-shirts to give away courtesy of Momentum Pictures: a winner will be drawn randomly for those with the quantum of intelligence required to answer the following question:

Michael Cera became famous for his role in Arrested Development, but who played Tobias Funke?

1. David Cross
2. David Chase

Before I get started on actual important things, can I just ask anybody who is 1. in love, 2. at all enchanted by Ann Summers red skimpy pants or fluffy crap from Clinton’s, or 3. planning on snogging/holding hands with/stroking their significant other in my presence, to please go and live under a rock for a couple of weeks and leave me and all the other poor lonely masses alone. Thanks muchly. Now back to actual vital and pressing issues (not really, I’m just going to write down one of my slightly weirder thought processes for you, as usual.

Having now passed the halfway mark of my year abroad in the city of love, I felt inclined to
offer some advice to those now contemplating their year abroad, or even just a placement away from Bath. Here are a few gems for you lucky second years about to embark on what may well be best year of your university experience...
Don't expect things to be as easy as they are in Bath, and don't be too optimistic about the first month or so of your trip - be prepared for things to be hard.

So you look back at your parents’ photos and giggle with the ridiculous fashion sense they had. But with the new snap-happy culture we live in, what fashions are we not going to be able to escape from? Here’s the top ten list of your biggest regrets:

1. Crocs - Who thought it would be a good idea to wear plastic clogs?! Sure, they’re comfy, and yes- they’re waterproof, but it’s not a necessity to pick function over fashion. They are in bright hideous colours that really don’t go with anything. There should be an amnesty for this inhumane and tortured use of fashion.

The world of fashion is a very fickle one indeed. But we already knew that. Members of its elite however, have the ability to consistently astonish with their amazingly senseless comments at a time when rates of both teenage and adult anorexia are soaring.