Science

Modern society is filled with rumours and fabrications that are spread via illustrious gossip. Just ask the Sexperts. We’ve all heard at least one juicy piece of gossip in our lifetimes, but sometimes you may hear something that just cannot be. Or can it? Such is the way with urban legends. There is a world of modern myths out there, and as it turns out some of them have some scientific basis.

Professor; a friend of a friend at Durham Uni (8th best in the UK) recently tried to cool her room down by leaving the fridge door open; would this work?

No. A fridge doesn’t create coldness, it pumps heat from inside the box out. Leaving the door open means the fridge is taking heat from the room and putting it back in the room. This is known, in technical terms, as pissing in the wind.

Dear Prof Science

“How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?”; muttered from the foul mouthed, generally bad-ass cop John McClane in Die Hard 2 as he yet again finds himself crawling around ventilation shafts in order to foil a terrorist plot. In this case our chain-smoking New Yorker was merely venting his anger, but this quote does ask a pertinent and deceptive question – how is it that we believe we are experiencing something that we think we have experienced before? Why do we get déjà vu?

This week Sydney Gramforth, the famous household radiator, whose novel 'Is it hot in here, or is it just me?', was the subject of unwanted attention when a Mr Derrin Flimsy issued a court summons accusing him of plagiarising the main idea and concept of his book from the back of a cereal box which initially belonged to Mr Flimsy.

Last tuesday, a labrador, recoiling from the effects of eating too much too quickly, chundered full undigested chunks of meat on philosopher Alexander Hebrov, who was busy working himself into a state of cultivated despair and angst.

Mr Hebrov was heard to say: "so what? Nothing has any meaning if there's no God. I wish dogs threw up on me more often."

Puzzle corner: our guest is logic theorist Vincent Danos

How was the universe created without defying the third law of thermodynamics?

Ah yes, ageing. It’s a natural obstacle that we all face – and it’s all downhill from here, according to our mardy bum elders. Good news everyone: wrinkles, creaking joints and drooping (yes, you heard me) are features of ageing that we can all look forward to. Hooray! If only we could avoid this metamorphosis and live forever as spritely twenty-somethings. Which leads me to ask: is there a secret to living forever, be it an instant Dungeons & Dragons-esque remedy or simply a wise choice of lifestyle? Even then, is eternal life physically possible?

How did the eye evolve? Surely half an eye isn’t much good.
The first eye was probably just a few cells on an animal which could detect light, giving it a very limited, but still existent, means of spotting blob-like predators. Gradually the technology improved to the point that we can now tell the difference between Jon Bon Jovi and a herring, though this can be difficult if the herring is pickled.

Professor: If I want to accidentally kill some pigeons, what’s the best way to do it?

People who like sex, but don’t like it when their partner is human and/or alive, have reason to rejoice this week, as engineer Douglas Hines has invented a ‘sex robot’, an anatomically accurate android with a personality, which doesn’t object to being frequently violated.
In fact, ‘Roxxy’ comes with five in-built, but not particularly complex personalities, which mostly involve giving pre-programmed responses to certain physical actions, like some kind of modified ‘Tickle-me-Elmo’.