Ah yes, ageing. It’s a natural obstacle that we all face – and it’s all downhill from here, according to our mardy bum elders. Good news everyone: wrinkles, creaking joints and drooping (yes, you heard me) are features of ageing that we can all look forward to. Hooray! If only we could avoid this metamorphosis and live forever as spritely twenty-somethings. Which leads me to ask: is there a secret to living forever, be it an instant Dungeons & Dragons-esque remedy or simply a wise choice of lifestyle? Even then, is eternal life physically possible?
History is littered with tales of people finding the secret to an everlasting existence – and then often losing said secret. The ancient Epic of Gilgamesh claims that the king of Sumeria actually found an underwater plant that would supposedly make him immortal, which he then lost to a kleptomaniac snake, of course. The modern day surroundings of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone feature our spectacled hero and his strangely popular ginger best friend seeking to prevent a turban-dwelling necromancer from obtaining the Elixir of Life. Oscar Wilde’s hedonistic anti-hero Dorian Gray is a classic example of an individual thriving on perpetuity. Early figures in the Bible are described as living to immense ages, such as the 969 year old Methuselah. Yet the phenomenon of athanasia (fancy talk for immortality) is not just limited to fiction, oh no. Many have claimed to discover ‘the Secret’ either through intentional research or simply by way of enlightenment. Although actual immortality has never been achieved, there are known individuals who have given the idea of death a miss and have marched on through the years. These are known as super-centenarians – a term that sounds far more exciting than it actually is.
Li Ching-Yuen, a herbalist and tactical advisor to the Chinese military, was believed to be either 199 or 256 years old when he eventually passed away in 1933. His claim to such a lengthy existence was taken so seriously that even Time magazine felt the need to write a feature on him. When asked on his secret of living to such a biblically epic age, he would often reply: “Keep a quiet heart, sit like a tortoise, walk sprightly like a pigeon and sleep like a dog” – a bamboozling mixture of instructions fittingly uttered from the mouth of someone who claims to have lived throughout the Salem witch trials, the French Revolution and the First World War. Of course this claim to arthritic fame has not been confirmed by the relevant bodies, which instead acknowledge French death-defying (not in the Evil Knievel sense) super-granny Jeanne Calment as the longest living individual, at an impressive 122 years 164 days. She admitted that she was not a fitness fanatic, smoked daily, ate enough chocolate to keep Cadbury’s independent of Kraft, and adored olive oil, to the extent that she poured it on all her food and rubbed it into her skin. Finger lickin’ good!
But there any real evidence confirming the self-preserving properties of herbs, chocolate and oil? Cocoa and some dark chocolates are thought to contain a bitter tasting compound called epicatechin that is alleged to have roles in lowering the risks of stroke, heart disease, diabetes and even the C word (cancer, you fools). Then again, it won’t be long before the Daily Mail decides to unofficially debunk this claim by adding this chemical to the seemingly infinite list of “Things that give you cancer” – currently including bubble baths, candle-lit dinners and shaving. Some foods are a source of anti-oxidants: molecules that are able to prevent the production of harmful oxidative stress in cells, which may be the source of ageing. Consumables companies are always screaming about how their cranberry juice is crammed full of antioxidants, but the benefits of consuming antioxidants are still largely unverified. As for herbs – it may be best to stay off the jazz Woodbines.
Perhaps ageing is completely out of our control, and that no amount of herbal tea or not shaving will halt the sands of time. The answer may lie in our genes. Reader: do not despair, I’m not going to leap into a hideously drawn out lecture about DNA, splicing and all things Frankenstein. I am going to briefly mention one scientific phenomenon however: telomere shortening. Our cells need to divide in order to ensure survival and growth, and each time this occurs our telomeres (segments of DNA that bookend our chromosomes) gradually become shorter. Imagine an eraser in a first year architecture lecture. The shortening of telomeres limits the number of times a cell can divide, and determines at what point in time a cell will stop dividing.
Moving on from the intimidating world of genetics… maybe the key to living a longer life is simply just to forget about it. Don’t think that you are going to perish at an early age. Do as you don’t, effectively. Apparently this mantra is the main comment that super-centenarians have to say about reaching such a ripe age, as they have often shown by doing everyday things that we would usually consider impossible when above a certain age – such as riding a bike or skydiving (as 101 year old Australian Frank Moody did in 2004). Live life to the most, as it seems.
Despite various explorers' claims to have found the Fountain of Youth (that intermittent water feature in Laura Place, I last heard) and alchemists striving to synthesise the Philosopher’s Stone, genuine human perpetuity is still a figment of our imagination. For now, it seems that the only way of achieving immortality is not the direct route of becoming immortal yourself, but instead allowing your life’s actions to keep your memory preserved in the minds of others and the annals of time – the idea of everlasting fame. Walking on Mars or leading a nation through troubled times are possibilities, but Britain’s Got Talent may be your best shot.
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